Time gap.

Oh my, it seems that I have not blogged in about two months...whoops.
If anyone cares, I am still alive and got through my rough patch. Although there are times that I still want to kill myself, I just kind of get over it...slowly.
I went to One OK Rock on February 7th in LA and it was beautiful<3 Not to mention that a few days ago I found out that OOR will be play Van's Warped Tour and one of their shows will be in Las Vegas. I do not know any other OORockers that are in Las Vegas, so hopefully this live is kind of nice. Ofc standing out in the heat in Las Vegas just for a 30 minute set seems kind of crazy. It's worth it though.
I'm honestly debating on making a scrap book, a letter, or a poster to give to them during this event. Hopefully the Luxor lets me bring it in.
Ugh ONE OK ROCK <3 even though they don't really know I exist it's all worth it because they have forever saved me in so many ways and dajkfjsdkajfds.
okay, so on Tumblr I posted a post about a dream I had. So I'll repost it here because it's kind of sad and yet kind of cute bc I wish it would really happen.
WAIT WAIT WAIT, AT WARPED CAN I SPEND ALL OF IT WITH OOR AFTER THEIR SET? OMG YES? OKAY.
Any whooooo, here is my dream post.

Okay, so I had a dream last night (keep in mind that a couple days earlier I found out about OOR playing Warped in Las Vegas) and it was amazing.

So this is how it went: I was at a One OK Rock concert and it wasn’t like the one in LA or any in Japan. The whole venue was up close to the stage but all in seats…and extremely dark. Me, being a total Taka freak but yet still really dedicated to Tomoya, put my hand out towards the stage. I was shocked when I felt something soft touch my hand in return. Thus, I looked up and through my teary eyes I see Taka. Of course my sleeping brain decided it would be a good thing or him to cry with me. All in the all, the concert went on. 

Afterwords, I got out of it and it was daylight outside. Which seems a little strange now looking back on it, but it’s a dream…so why sweat it? I walk down these steps and see a shit load of people standing in front of a gigantic balcony. Of course I thought it was One OK Rock standing up there, but some girl runs by yelling “IT’S BROKENCYDE!” (how I thought of this group in my dreams I don’t know)

So heartbroken I walk away from the scene of fangirls over Brokencyde and get tapped on my shoulder. There, in disguise, is Taka. I mean total Aladdin x Jasmine scene in the streets. AND RIGHT FUCKING THEN MY GODDAMN ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF TO GET ME UP FOR WORK.

I COULD OF HAD A SWEET DATE WITH TAKA ALADDIN STYLE BUT NO, NO. FUCKING PIKACHU ALARM CLOCK AND ITS BULLSHIT.

end of dream. fuckfuckfuck 

-Your friendly neighborhood Ri~

There are things I always remember.

     Yesterday was New Years Eve and I got wasted. I told my crush, which I introduced in my last two posts, how I felt about him. At this point he wasn't even a crush, but someone I liked deeply. I guess that is still a crush isn't it? Back to the main point, I told him to forget that I even told him anything. Want to know his words? Here are his exact words via wonderful iMessage:
    
     "d'awww this is like something out if an anime where the MC gets a confession :3
you're so sweet Elisa, and might I add you have great taste haha."
     Then he sent me a "Happy New Years Sydney" as it was meant for his cousin. Later he wishes me a Happy New Years and I continue to tell him to just forget about how I feel for him. Because come on, who could like this fat and ugly poor excuse for a human being.
   
     He continues to tell me how sweet it was of me. SOOOOO flat out rejection.
                           A few minutes pass as he then asks:
     "Just wondering, what in specific do you like about me?"
and there I went, pouring my heart out in a text message about why I have liked him for almost a year. I think it's been over a year. Who cares, because he doesn't.
So then that brings on about 2 hours of crying and me contemplating cutting again tonight after I'm done writing this.

     February 7th is the One OK Rock concert and after that I think I just may give up for good. Give up on life that is.
Death has always looked so pretty. (I'll probably chicken out though, lol.)
~Ri